The Strains of DADT on One Couple

Andrew Cirner tells the story of his relationship with a military man, evading “don’t ask, don’t tell,” a blackmailing ex-lover, and the extreme steps his mother took to save the day.

By Andrew Cirner

Andrew Cirner

I met Rocco in April of 1993. He was a Navy master chief serving in San Diego. He was 35, butch, built, and very sexy.  I was 24, good-looking, and a psychiatric nurse working for the state of California. I first laid eyes on him during registration at the Buffalo Bar in Las Vegas. He was wearing shorts, a tight-fitting T-shirt, and construction boots.

After my friend Eric told me a little bit about Rocco, he warned me, “He does have a lover, but they’re in an open relationship.”

“I just want to meet the guy, Eric,” I told him.

I spent the better part of the meet-and-greet staring at Rocco as I mingled with other motorcycle men. Eventually, he introduced himself as I was walking away from the bar. “Hi, I’m Rocco. I understand you want to meet me?” Speechless and feeling awkward, I stammered for words.

Soon I was at ease and laughing at his witty humor. I later met his lover, Christian, who was there with Drill, who was, fittingly, a drill sergeant. He looked like a pit bull on steroids with a penchant for getting drunk and picking fights. I realized that most of the people around me were in the military. Aren’t any of them afraid of being caught? I wondered. Rocco was a master chief, Drill was a drill sergeant, and another guy was a first lieutenant and a pilot.

At 3 a.m., I was exhausted but still sitting in the bar. I had to sponsor the eye-opener cocktail party in three hours and needed to get back to my hotel room.

“Hey, um, we are leaving too. Would you like company?” Rocco asked.

“I am sorry, I don’t do groups,” I said. Rocco laughed, and for a second I felt insulted.

“Did you think I meant all of us?” he asked. I told him I was staying at the MGM Grand. Coincidentally, he was staying right across the hall.

The moment I opened the door, we were on each other, ripping clothes off as if they were on fire. After a night of wild passion, I was falling for him. I knew this was completely crazy — I barely knew him. Read the rest of this entry »

The Strains of DADT on One Couple Andrew Cirner tells the story of his relationship with a military man, evading “don’t ask, don’t tell,” a blackmailing ex-lover, and the extreme steps his mother took to save the day. By Andrew Cirner I met Rocco in April of 1993. He was a Navy master chief serving [...]