It’s one thing for Hollywood to barrage movie theater-going audiences with a slate of 3-D films, and ESPN to launch a channel devoted to 3-D sports coverage, and the Grammys to present a Michael Jackson tribute in 3-D. But one thing we’re not sure we can deal with is the coming onslaught gay porn starring no real performers — just computer creations. Adult Source Media’s CGI film Pirate’s Booty — a Disney parody, because all porn flicks must have roots in mainstream culture — took 10 months and hundreds of thousands of dollars to produce, with the hands of veteran CGI experts, sixty minutes worth of pixel screwing.

“As someone who shoots live-action porn, I know how much of a struggle it is to get good penetration shots without shoving a light up someone’s ass or otherwise ruining the mood,” writes Todd Klinck. “In Pirate’s Booty, the angles are flawless. Every ass fuck is perfectly captured. While the bottom is getting pounded, his cock jiggles up and down hyper-realistically. There’s comedy in this movie, but it’s no art film. [Director Wendy] Crawford wastes no time on silly plot structures and gets right to the action. The star of the movie is Captain Jack Swallows, who loves sodomizing his little blond, straight cabin boy.”

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It’s one thing for Hollywood to barrage movie theater-going audiences with a slate of 3-D films, and ESPN to launch a channel devoted to 3-D sports coverage, and the Grammys to present a Michael Jackson tribute in 3-D. But one thing we’re not sure we can deal with is the coming onslaught gay porn starring [...]